


More Munkustrap and Demeter Moments

by JestaAriadne (still_intrepid)



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Getting Together, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-11
Updated: 2003-04-11
Packaged: 2019-05-21 00:59:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14905482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_intrepid/pseuds/JestaAriadne
Summary: More silliness with our favourite classic couple![Posted here in 2018 as part of my getting around to archiving my catsfic on ao3.]





	More Munkustrap and Demeter Moments

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly, high-toned retelling of the usual story of Munk and Deme getting together.

"Munkustrap," said Old Deuteronomy, smiling genially.

Munkustrap should have known things were about to go down hill. NO ONE smiles like that without some ulterior motive.

The elderly cat continued to beam paternal warmth and wisdom down on Munkustrap, making him feel vaguely shaky and very scared. "As a preparation for your future duties, why don't you show Demeter here around? Make her feel welcome, you know."

Well, that was it. Munkustrap took a cautious look at the girl standing next to the old leader. Cautious because she was glaring caustically at him, and gave the immediate impression that she radiated sharp objects.

"Um..." he said, and smiled extremely weakly.

She continued to glare back at him.

Old Deuteronomy left.

Which left Munkustrap feeling very awkward indeed. Or, if one were not to put it in such a polite way, one would say Munkustrap felt pretty well screwed.

For lack of anything to say, let alone anything intelligent, he tried to just check out the queen as surreptitiously as possible. Demeter was fully aware of this and just stared back at him, which didn't improve things.

She had beautiful dark fur, he noticed, flecked with gold - just as the scummy surface of a pond is flecked with dead weed. Munkustrap had never been good at forming similes. She was - well, pretty certainly; pushing _beautiful_ if she just didn't look so toxic right now. Definitely a nice figure; slim, sleek...

But it was Demeter's eyes that really caught his attention. It should be impossible for _eyes_ to adopt a defensive stance; one so violent it's threatening in its own right - but hers were making a very good attempt. She had the sort of expression that seemed to be shouting: "Where are you going with this question?, I don't trust it and I don't trust you - you're trying to catch me out, aren't you, AREN'T YOU?? Well, it's not going to work because -" all before you'd even opened your mouth.

Munkustrap's "Um" died on his lips and sunk to rest in peace in the suddenly hollow pit of his stomach.

Demeter sighed sharply. "OK, let's get this over with," she snapped. It was probably one of the most vocally attractive snaps Munkustrap had heard, but he wasn't really thinking about that because it was also one of the snappiest and he was cowering under it. "My name is Demeter and I've just got back from being kitnapped by Macavity."

"Um," said Munkustrap.

"And I've been told your name's Munkustrap; you are the future leader, and you have a vocabulary of approximately one syllable."

"Um!" said Munkustrap, feeling that had been a little harsh.

"Very good. Now, I don't like you and you don't like me, so -"

"Well, actually I..." Munkustrap was not why he had opened his mouth just then, and promptly shut it.

"I _don't_ like you and _you don't like me_ ," she repeated firmly. "So, if you can just politely show me around this - this..." She gestured airily about.

"Er?" said Munkustrap, tiring of "Um".

"This - _junkyard_ ," finished Demeter, and Munkustrap wondered why he felt offended.

"-And then I think I'll take a nap and leave you to whatever it is you _do_ around here."

"Uh," said Munkustrap, feeling defeated, conquered, six feet under, "OK."

\---

It hadn't gone _too_ badly, Munkustrap considered later. There was the fact that he was still alive after it all, that had to be a plus point, didn't it? On second thoughts, it didn't, did it...? Surviving meant he lived onto tomorrow, which wasn't the most heartwarming prospect just then Munkustrap groaned and turned over in his cat basket. Demeter was apparently going to be staying around the junkyard for quite some time.

He was REALLY not looking forward to tomorrow.

On the positive side... Well - on the positive side... there was... there was... Well - actually, yes, there was the fact that the girl was stunningly attractive (he'd admitted this much by now), had the voice of angel (or what he assumed an angel might sound like) and was going to be spending a fair bit of time with him while she found her way around.

However, a small sample from the rather larger negative side of things cancelled all that out. She hated him, and she seemed to make a point of professing thus every couple of minutes.

~~~

She was sitting outside his door when he half-fell dazedly through the cat flap.

"Er, h-hello Demeter!" he said in slight confusion.

"Munkustrap."

"Er, yeah.. that's me."

"I'm hungry," she stated. "Where can you get decent food around here?"

"Er... well.. round the back of the fish and chip shop's always good...."

"Come on then. And don't start all your sentences with Er. You sound like a moron."

"Thanks...." muttered Munkustrap under his breath as he ran to catch up with Demeter.

"Look... er, Demeter..." he said once they'd got to the bins behind the shop. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

"Why would I want to talk about anything with _you_?"

"...Why not?"

"Why not?? Let me give you a list...."

Which she proceeded to do. Munkustrap's tail drooped down into a greasy paper bag along with his self esteem. He tried to block out the sound of her accusing voice at the same time as keeping his eyes on _her_ , because -- where had that idea come from???

He tried to shake the thought out of his mind, dragged his eyes down and concentrated on Cod ala Vinegar.

~~~

It became a weird sort of routine during the next week. Demeter would turn up on Munkustrap's door first thing and they'd go and get breakfast. Throughout the meal, he'd sit basically silent while she complained or trailed off a tired-sounding list of his faults: his fur was a mess; he smelled; he couldn't articulate more than three words; didn't he _ever_ wash; and he was sitting in tomato ketchup by the way, did he know that?

But it continued. Demeter kept turning up, every day, impolite and insistent, and Munkustrap got very confused. Eventually, he had to pop the question. No, not _that_ question you idiot - pray tell how on earth would that make the least bit of sense in this context, have you been _reading_ this or what?? Well, you lazy person, keep reading and you'll find out what question. No offence to the Attentive Ones who have been following the progression of this story with scholarly and probably waning interest. Do read on.

~~~

"...and you're sitting in tomato ketchup by the way, did you know that?"

"Yes... thank you Demeter.... Look, Demeter -"

"I _am_ looking, stupid. Honestly, I don't know why I bear your company."

"Why _do_ you then?" he asked, finally. (That was the question, people!) "If I'm such an idiot, _why_ are you still hanging around me?"

"I'm not," she said, in the face of rather a lot of evidence.

"Er... yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"...um...?"

"I'm NOT!" she said firmly, and left.

Munkustrap sighed and opened his mouth to insert a portion of fish. Before he could shut it again, someone said-

"What was that all about?"

"A-alonzo??" he said, nearly choking.

"Yeah, hi, I'm having breakfast here too, d'you mind?"

"N-no... that's fine..."

"Er, Munkustrap, you're stuttering the whole time. Why? You sound kinda stupid."

"Oh Cat... not you too...."

"Huh?" Alonzo sat down and started to eat the tomato ketchup off Munkustrap's tail.

"Huh what?"

"Huh as in: who else has been insulting you today?"

Munkustrap sighed. "Demeter," he said quietly.

"Aaah... Yeah, well, she does it with everyone."

"I get it the worst."

"Well...." Alonzo mused, "Well, yeah you probably do."

"Thanks."

"Hey, I'm just being honest with you."

"Right."

"Munk, you're going back to one word answers, mate..."

"Uh huh?"

"Helloooooo, anyone at hooome??"

"Whatever, Alonzo."

Alonzo sat back and munched hi fish, considering. "Do you _like_ her??" he asked after a couple seconds.

"No!" Munkustrap retorted, startled. "Well... ye- No!!"

Alonzo cocked one ebony eyebrow.

"....Yes."

" _Why_??"

Munkustrap considered. It hadn't really needed much cognitive thought to come to the conclusion and he wasn't exactly - OK, he wasn't _at all_ sure just why... "Dunno," he said finally. "Just do."

"...And she hates you, doesn't she." Alonzo tutted. "Not a promising match, my friend...."

"Cheers for the optimistic advice, Lonz."

"Any time."

He waltzed off with his fish. Leaving Munkustrap... alone. Again. Why did everyone seem to be doing that to him lately??

~~~

And Demeter turned up as usual the next day. Munkustrap tactfully made no mention of the episode, and neither did she, though maybe she became the tiniest bit more venomous. Or, more accurately, a lot more.

"Hurry up. I'm hungry," she moaned as they ran along

"Yes...."

"And Munkustrap? You've still got tomato ketchup on your tail."

"Oh... really?"

They arrived.

"I'm sick of this food," she announced, eating it.

"Sorry, but there's not a huge amount of choice," Munkustrap sighed. "Don't your humans feed you?"

"They do, _actually._ "

"Right.... so, that's good then?"

"Oh _honestly_ , you just _don't get it_ , do you??"

"...Get what? Sorry..."

" _Anything!_ "

"Really? Thanks...."

"Are you even _listening_ to me??"

"Yes!!" Munkustrap's brain felt like it had reached a break point. "But I don't know why I should when all you EVER do is tell me how stupid I am!"

Demeter blinked. "Well - that's just because you ARE stupid!"

Munkustrap's excuse for a temper had been used up on that last outburst and he already now felt scared and shaken. But he wanted to get something said. He took a deep breath and ventured his longest speech of the day. "Demeter, I _know_ I'm not perfect, but could you please give me a break? Why do you hate me so much anyway??"

"You _stupid_ idiot, I don't hate you!" she said scornfully. She sighed disdainfully and resumed glaring.

And then she realised what she'd just said.

If pauses could be pregnant, this one had just gone into labour.

Munkustrap stared at Demeter, too stunned for words. Well, most words anyway. There was, however, a special reflex action deep within him made specifically for these sorts of situations.

He said: "Um."

Demeter, by then, was around the corner and out of sight.

"Oh..." Munkustrap quickly sat down to give him brain time to catch up before he passed out from sheer force of personality.

~~~

Demeter was panicking.

She'd just _told_ Munkustrap that she didn't hate him. True, she'd actually known that herself for a long time, but now... now _he_ knew and maybe it would only be a matter of time before her mouth went and shot itself off again and she'd given away the other part of her feelings. That must NEVER happen!! _Never ever ever ever._ Although, maybe... _NEVER!!!_ Munkustrap must NEVER EVER know that she -

Bad thoughts. _Stop it, Dem..._

Demeter, in her literal-minded way, had always envisioned "Falling In Love" as just that - falling into something; the sea, maybe, or some other large body of water.

That was how it had happened before, after all.

 _Staring into Macavity's eyes, she'd been caught off guard and fallen straight into those immeasurably deep pools...._ And then there she was, splashing about in the Great Swimming Pool of Love. The thrill, as of hitting the water for the first time, had been so exhilarating and she'd felt warm and wonderful. And when the temperature had dropped a couple of degrees, or a whirlpool had developed, or whatever other way you'd fit being kidnapped into this absurd metaphor, she'd taken her leave; grabbed the nearest railing and simply climbed out of love again.

In practice, this hadn't been difficult. Macavity was clearly still working on his captive-taking techniques - he'd told her "stay put till I get back or else", failed to mention what the "else" might entail and left. So had she.

Basically, Demeter had always thought Love was a careless mistake; you fell in by being stupid, and it was easy to avoid as long as you looked where you were going. But now... Forget 'falling in' it; it felt more like Love had fallen right on top of her. Fallen like a ton of bricks.

This realisation did nothing at all to help alleviate panic...

Demeter prided herself on being cool, collected, careful and on always thinking things through and having a plan. The fact that none of her plans ever actually _worked_ was just a small flaw, and not one she often mentioned. _This_ plan however - the Stay OUT of Love and Out of Trouble Plan - had not only failed, it had exploded spectacularly and made a mess of her life.

She scowled and subjected the air to a usually restrained flood of verbal abuse.

Munkustrap.... how on earth..? He was _supposed_ to be the most unattractive, boring, moronic tom there was. He was the _future leader of the tribe_ for Cat's sake, and if that didn't spell unattractive, boring and moronic, she didn't know what did. He was supposed to be the person she could spend a lot of time with without the least danger of falling back into that stupid swimming pool.

Unfortunately, he didn't fit her expectations, and that had been the start of her plan spectacularly combusting.

And now.... she had two clear cut choices.

The first and obvious one to her was to try the same stratagem that had worked with Macavity. Leave. Get out. Get out of Love, right now, while she still could.

And the other.... was stupid. Was so incredibly, incredibly unbelievably _idiotic_ she could hardly believe the thought had even entered her head.

She pushed it out again, firmly.

So, choice number one it was. Right?

 

~~~

Munkustrap ran up to the nearest cat, all dignity forgotten as he almost tripped. "Alonzo!" he said urgently, getting up and spitting mud. "Where's Demeter?!"

"Are - are you quite alright Munkustrap?" asked Alonzo, as the future Jellicle leader slipped over again and covered himself still more liberally in dirt.

"Yes, I'm fine, but have you seen Demeter??" Munkustrap jumped up and down in the mud and fell over again.

"Look, calm down Munk! You'll-"

" _Where is she??"_

"Munkustrap!!" Alonzo firmly gripped the other cat's paw to stop him from bouncing around. "Demeter just left, remember? She said -"

"She's _GONE?"_

"Yes! Didn't you know? What's the problem Munk? You're not still -- hey!! _Where are you going??"_

~~~

"Demeter??"

No answer.

He ran on.

"Demeter???"

Nothing.

"DEMEEEEEETER!!!"

"...munkustrap....?"

Demeter stood on the crest of a conveniently placed hill, silhouetted conveniently against a brilliant sunset. She'd just discovered that there is always a third alternative. Well, actually, there's usually rather more than three Choices, but she'd found this Third Path rather appealing. Escape.

The only thing about Escape is that it rather left the metaphorical door open for Recapture.

"DEMEEEEEEEEEEETER!!!"

Munkustrap was scaling the hill desperately - pathetically - half tripping over every other step. He also appeared to be covered in mud.

He was also running after her, because -

_I don't like you and you don't like me -_

_Well, actually......_

\- because -

_It's just too complicated._

and she was running back towards him, yelling his name.

"MUNKUSTRAAAAAAAP!!!!"

"DEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETER!!!"

"MUNKUSTRAAAAAAAAP!!!"

"DEEEEMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETER!!!!"

"Munkustrap, I'm right here!! Stop shouting already!" Her mouth and her heart snapped shut like a mousetrap.

"Oh... right." He shook himself and sat down next to her. "Don't run away again," he said hurriedly.

"I wasn't _going_ to," she replied defiantly, and turned away again. You could almost believe that she hadn't just been running towards the silver tom shouting his name at the top of her voice and wishing just for a moment that she could -

_Shut up. Stop thinking. Stop it stop it stop it......_

You could really _almost_ believe that.

There is a very fine line between the aggressively insensitive and the terminally insecure, and Demeter was walking it like a tightrope.

There is a very fine line between liking and loving. And, adversely, some would claim another very fine line between hating and loving. This isn't true - it is in fact _two_ fine lines; the first between hating and pretending to hate, and from there, yes, it is just a tripwire to loving.

You know what? The whole world is made up of fine lines.

The trick is weaving them together into a nice safety net to allow you to fly....

Demeter just clung to her tightrope and prayed.

"Demeter...?"

She couldn't say anything. Keep quiet. _If I open my mouth I'll --_

"Demeter, talk to me!! Pleeeeease!!"

"Munkustrap, you're crazy, go away!" she exploded at last.

"Go away??? I just ran like ten miles to find you! I am NOT going away!"

"Oh - !!! You - you - you!"

"Demeter - a-are you alright?!"

"YES! NO! It's all your fault, you....."

Munkustrap gasped. "Are you crying?" he asked stupidly.

"What's it look like you idiot?? I LOVE YOU!"

_thud._

~~~~

When Munkustrap came around, they had a Serious Discussion. It was probably one of the worst experiences in Demeter's life, because she had to explain the whole I'm Not Falling In Love Again cliché in practice to Munkustrap.

He didn't get it,

He'd just keep saying:

"But... well, that isn't really _real_ is it..? I mean - really swearing off love and everything?"

And Demeter glared.

He eventually gave in unconditionally. "OK, OK..." he said. "Apparently so."

The glare subsided, and they sat for a while in a fairly comfortable silence.

"So....." Munkustrap said at last. "You up for fish and chips?"

~~~

"Munkustrap....?"

"Mmmm?" Munkustrap said lazily, sure for the first time that this wouldn't elicit a scathing reply.

"...D'you love me?"

He turned to look seriously at her. "Demeter, I loved you from the moment I met you."

She giggled. "Romantic junk," she said happily. Then, considering, she quipped: "That's not really _real_ though, is it? Love at first sight and everything?"

Munkustrap smiled back at her. "Apparently so," he said.

And The World said: "Aw....."

~~~

_ EPILOGUE _

Munkustrap and Demeter went on to astonish the rest of the Junkyard with their tumultuous (Demeter) and confused (Munkustrap) relationship, and somehow they managed altogether to bear each other's company, and even appear madly in love on occasion which was always nice. When the Jellicle Ball came around, Macavity, the attention-starved darling that he was, decided to turn up and try, rather selfishly I must say, to ruin it for everyone else. Still, that turned out OK too, because Munkustrap had quite a lot of fun acting the Glorious Silver Knight defending Demeter's honour and Demeter had even more fun being a Damsel in Distress nice and openly for once, although she got a sore throat the next day from shouting "MACAVITY!" so much.

Demeter never did tell Munkustrap her Swimming Pool theory, except for once when he was actually asleep, and she knew it. That was probably a good thing because Munkustrap really didn't like water, and especially didn't like falling in it, and the weird comparison of Love to a lot of water might have put him off slightly.

He did like goldfish though.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written in 2003 and archived here in 2018 in case of accidents :)
> 
> (That at the end there was a bizarre reference to the "A Short Story About..." stories, the continunity of which this one isn't quite part of but eh!)


End file.
